Daycare...Do We Have To?

It's 3:49 a.m., I've been up since 3 a.m. with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I'm hoping in writing this post I'll be able to let out my feelings and go back to sleep. 

Tuesday, I start work. In our Arizona life, I'd be waking up to my mom probably coming over to watch Makayla and I'd leave for work fully trusting her with our baby girl.  But, that's not the case. This is our Massachusetts life, our military life, so on Tuesday, I drop her off at daycare. She'll be one of eight infants. Two ladies who I don't know will be in charge of taking care of our baby girl. This truly breaks my heart. 

I've been beyond BLESSED to have spent the last 6 Months with Makayla. I love seeing her grow...every laugh, smile, movement, and yes, even every cry. If we were financially capable, I'd stay home with her, no doubt. There's nowhere or nothing else I'd rather put all my energy into other than her and my little family. 

But that's not the case. Instead, I'll stay wide awake tonight wondering if they'll know her tired whimper, if they'll know that when she stretches out and grunts that her tummy hurts, they'll be the ones to see her crawl for the first time, possibly even see her first steps, they'll be the lucky ones to hear her laugh and see her smile throughout the day, they'll be the ones that rock her to sleep for naps, read her stories or watch her intent focus when she's concentrating on something. These strangers. It won't be me. It sounds selfish I know, but I hate the thought of missing these moments. I feel like I'm abandoning her...leaving her in the world of daycare where THEY'LL be spending most her time with her. I hate it.

I know there's a couple good things from this that I could focus on, but they don't seem to outweigh the bad. For now, I'll put my trust in the man upstairs and her guardian angel to keep her safe and taken care of while she's there. And today, my last day at home with her, I'll make sure to spend every minute soaking in all her smiles.

To My Daughter...

As I write this, you are sleeping soundly in your crib.  Today is Mother's Day.  My first as your mommy.  I know this is a day to celebrate moms, but I kept thinking throughout the day how this is just another day to celebrate you, in my life.  One day you will read this and I hope on that day you know how much I love you, each day that passes.  You will be 4 months in two days.  In those 4 months you have already taught me many things.  

You have taught me how to love unconditionally, as I always will.

You have taught me to be selfless.

You have taught me to be patient because not everything goes as planned.

You have taught me that there is a special bond between a mother and her daughter, one I hope gets stronger by the day.

You have taught me to count my blessings not just everyday, but every minute.

You have taught me the hard times don't last forever, even though they feel as they might.

You have taught me to smile, everyday.

You have taught me to be strong.

Most importantly you have taught me to be your mom.

As you grow, we will share many laughs, hugs, kisses, tears, and even a few screams, but I hope to teach you these things that you have taught me so that one day when you are a mom you will celebrate your daughter or son like I celebrate you.

Thank you for blessing me on this Mother's Day, baby girl.

The day you changed my life...

Mother's Day 2014

Mother's Day

Today was Mother's Day and even though we were missing Mike during yet another special occasion, I was blessed to spend the day with my mom and family.  Not to mention it was my first Mother's Day with my beautiful baby girl, so that made it extra special.  Mother's Day had actually started yesterday when I received a package from Makayla that had been sent by Daddy, but I was advised that I wasn't able to open it until today.  ;-)  Makayla woke up today a bit fussy which is unlike her smiley morning self, but it didn't take long for those smiles to appear.  I mean, it's Mother's Day, of course she had to end up happy. Papa made scrambled eggs and Makayla and I went to Mc D's and picked up some hot cakes to add to breakfast while Nana slept in a bit.  We had breakfast with Nana and Papa and then it was time to get ready for family time.  Pulled pork got in the crock pot, Papa grilled some chicken, and we got ready.  It was a beautiful day out, cool and breezy.  I wish Daddy had been here to celebrate, but there was yet another surprise waiting for me on the front porch.  Miles away and he managed to make my day even more special.  We ate, laughed, and even cried a bit, I couldn't have asked for a more 'almost' perfect day.  

Happy Mother's Day to my mom.  You are one of the strongest women I know.  I wouldn't be the kind of mom I am today without your guidance.  Thank you for being a wonderful grandma.

Happy Mother's Day to my sister, Nancy.  One of the most patient and loving mothers I know and have learned from.  Oh, and my Dunkin gift card, that will come in handy.

Happy Mother's Day to my sister, Amanda.  You are changing the lives of some pretty cool kids.  You're an awesome Aunt too.  

Happy Mother's Day to my mother in law, Faye.  You've raised a thoughtful man and have become not only my mother in law, but my friend.  Thank you for being a wonderful grandma.

Happy Mother's Day to all my mommy friends.  I was one of the last to be blessed as a mommy.  Thanks for taking on the task first and showing me the ropes.

Grandma Mavrakis' Mother's Day Gift

Um, Good Morning?

All better...

My First Mother's Day Gift, Thanks Makayla and Daddy! <3

Happy Baby now

Mom, enough bow changes.

On our way to get some pancakes. I love this face!!!

Taking a nap before everyone arrives

Mother's Day Surprise, thanks Honey, I love them!

Came with a cute tote bag, perfect for the beach 

Auntie arrived first

My Joy in life....

Cousin Nathan is here!

Nancy and the boys. Happy Mother's Day sis!

Nana and her grandbabies

Love!

Making Makayla laugh or just playing with her toys, hmmm....

Makayla and Papa. 

Opening her gifts

She loved it.

Nana's favorite store!

Happy tears...

We love you!

Loves his baby cousin!

Auntie Nancy making Makayla smile...

Quality time with Auntie Amanda

Laughs....

Perfect ending to a very special day.

Blessed.

Sister Time!

So having my sisters here has been awesome so far.  I love seeing them bonding with Makayla.  It's apparent they love her so much.  On top of meeting their first and only niece, we've had the chance to get out of the house and enjoy the nice wintry weather.  Today was their full first day here so we kept it low key and went out to lunch to one of my favorite local spots, Not Your Average Joes.  We brought Makayla along on our girls' lunch date and did some shopping afterwards at a toy store nearby.  That night, we hung out at home with Mike and ordered pizza from again another favorite of mine, Steve's Pizza.  No matter what we're doing, I always manage to laugh nonstop when I'm with these two.  The picture of Nancy and me was taken by Amanda on our way to get pizza.  We must have taken the picture a billion times because we were being so picky, or I should say, I was being so picky.  We were stopped in the middle of the street on base snapping away.  Every time I look at that picture it reminds me of how a simple car ride to pick up pizza turns into a laughing session.

Before heading out to lunch

Momma and Makayla at Not Your Average Joes

Drinks...mine was the ice tea this time around ;-)

All bundled up to get pizza!!!